New Goals

I'm gonna do this. I am restarting my food log tomorrow. I use loseit.com on my phone. Calorie count 533... Not doing the abc because It's ridiculous. I need to adjust my body to one set intake. I can handle this hopefully. I want a tiny body. I want to post pictures that others can use as thinspo. And i want to stick to it and have followers that support.me and hopefully (eventually) are able to learn.from.me...

Typically I don't swim because it kills my hair and messes it up. Especially since I went blonde last week. But my friends Nd my sailor talked.me into a yellow polls dot bikini. Perfect right? Now i just need to feel good in it. So guess I am going to start swimming.

Less than fifty days till he is home.

Also p90x, restarting at the end of the school year. Two weeks.

I wana be a skinny princess!

The end...

I stopped.. Maybe a month ago. I thought that it wasn't the right thing to do.. so i ended it.. I didn't want to be Pro-Ana... But i am.. I may not be underweight. But I see myself as bigger than I am... And I hate myself each time I eat... Maybe there is a happy medium... Will i ever find the real me?

Shocked

Maybe the purging is the only thing keeping my tummy getting smaller..

137.6. This morning. Closer to my goal.. but i feel so dirty..

Going to cut back. Not going to let myself get into a position where purging feels like the only way. It's just lately... It feels like It's the only way half of the time.. once even at school, but i resisted.

Lies

I tell myself everyday I won't do it again... But if i eat more than is necessary... It's all I can do to get rid of my sins.

I need this to stop.

People keep telling my how skinny I am getting, but my scale keeps saying that I'm still a fat loser.

Is purging really the only way..

Got some tips from a wrestler at my school today hope they help.

Binge binge binge!

Darn you charming small town cafe's with your tasty salad I smothered in ranch and your curl fries and fried shrimp that I thank go didn't finish all of.

And Darn you purple start pencil for making it so easy to re empty my stomach and make it crave ice cream, but that you for re making the ice cream leave me.

Darn me for thinking that purging after I eat is going to help anyone. Not even me. My three day diet seems a failure.

What will I do with myself! Gah.

Tomorrow I am banning myself from anything but the leftovers from tonight's binge, and...  A pint of ice cream.. which is a lot... But i love ice cream, and if i don't eat it my body eats everything else as punishment for not giving it what it wants.
And heck I'll probably just hate myself and purge..

Every time I send him pictures of my tummy and he says "mmm" I think of all the vomit that went into keeping that way for the picture.

Im not even good at this. Can I have one talent please? On occupation at least? I'm to idle.

Weigh in results, new quick diet, and the countdown.

Naked weight when i woke up this morning: 137.2!  And 138.2 with clothes.

Yesterday ilikr I said I didn't count calories very well but i kept my portions Down.

Breakfast: I had a quarter of a tortilla with quiche.
Lunch: sauted shrimp and mushrooms.
Dinner: two pieces of oven pizza, and half an Orange.
Then I ran about two miles.

Today I am starting a moderated version of The Three Day Diet. If you have never heard of it Google it.. I have to moderate it because being sixteen I don't really access most of my own.food, I have what my step dad buys. I'll say more about that in time.

The countdown has begun. I have 7.5 days until Matt comes home. And I want my naked weight at 135.6 when i see him. I can do it! I have to. No binging, no excuses. Working out when ever I can.

I hate to say it.

I cried in the shower again today... Not sure why. I am so insecure lately and taking all of my clothes off to shower makes it even worse. Matt will be here in 7.5 days... How can I ever expect him to love my body if i can't even love it. He says he loves it... But what does he know, he.as only seen pictures in the last year.

My calorie intake was good today. I don't feel like a complete lardo laying in bed like i do most nights. I didn't count them accurately.  But it wasn't to much. My goal is to have the weight I wake up with be the weight i fall asleep with, then when i wake up the next day it will bee even less! Woot! Common 138.2...